What We Don't Talk about When We Talk about Fat

What We Don't Talk about When We Talk about Fat

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  • Create Date:2021-12-03 09:51:03
  • Update Date:2025-09-06
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  • Author:Aubrey Gordon
  • ISBN:080701477X
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Summary

From the creator of Your Fat Friend, an explosive indictment of the systemic and cultural bias facing plus-size people that will move us toward creating an agenda for fat justice。

Anti-fatness is everywhere。 In What We Don't Talk About When We Talk About Fat, Aubrey Gordon unearths the cultural attitudes and social systems that have led to people being denied basic needs because they are fat and calls for social justice movements to be inclusive of plus-sized people's experiences。 Unlike the recent wave of memoirs and quasi self-help books that encourage readers to love and accept themselves, Gordon pushes the discussion further towards authentic fat activism, which includes ending legal weight discrimination, giving equal access to health care for large people, increased access to public spaces, and ending anti-fat violence。 As she argues, "I did not come to body positivity for self-esteem。 I came to it for social justice。"

By sharing her experiences as well as those of others--from smaller fat to very fat people--she concludes that to be fat in our society is to be seen as an undeniable failure, unlovable, unforgivable, and morally condemnable。 Fatness is an open invitation for others to express disgust, fear, and insidious concern。 To be fat is to be denied humanity and empathy。 Studies show that fat survivors of sexual assault are less likely to be believed and less likely than their thin counterparts to report various crimes; 27% of very fat women and 13% of very fat men attempt suicide; over 50% of doctors describe their fat patients as "awkward, unattractive, ugly and noncompliant"; and in 48 states, it's legal--even routine--to deny employment because of an applicant's size。

Advancing fat justice and changing prejudicial structures and attitudes will require work from all people。 What We Don't Talk About When We Talk About Fat is a crucial tool to create a tectonic shift in the way we see, talk about, and treat our bodies, fat and thin alike。

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Reviews

LdyGray

Aubrey Gordon is a clarion voice in the push for inclusive activism。 If you're a dedicated listener of Maintenance Phase, this book expands on many of those discussions (and if you're not and this book sounds interesting, check out her podcast, it is excellent)。 My only complaint is that I wish Gordon narrated the audiobook herself! Aubrey Gordon is a clarion voice in the push for inclusive activism。 If you're a dedicated listener of Maintenance Phase, this book expands on many of those discussions (and if you're not and this book sounds interesting, check out her podcast, it is excellent)。 My only complaint is that I wish Gordon narrated the audiobook herself! 。。。more

Skylis

amazing, enraging。 Gordon offers strong arguments with numerous examples to back her up。 she balances ideas with evidence, research with grounding personal stories。 she explains ideas clearly and concisely, with some repetition to solidify ideas。 repetition rarely felt like filler。 her work explicitly includes unique body discrimination struggles faced by people who are not or not only fat: trans and non-binary people, disabled people, and people of color。 some of Gordon’s media examples weren’t amazing, enraging。 Gordon offers strong arguments with numerous examples to back her up。 she balances ideas with evidence, research with grounding personal stories。 she explains ideas clearly and concisely, with some repetition to solidify ideas。 repetition rarely felt like filler。 her work explicitly includes unique body discrimination struggles faced by people who are not or not only fat: trans and non-binary people, disabled people, and people of color。 some of Gordon’s media examples weren’t totally clear to me—i didn’t follow the argument that uncle Phil in Fresh Prince is marked with the characteristics of a working class Black man despite his education and career accomplishments。 in the final chapter, Gordon includes clear goals and actions for readers to contribute to body justice, including policy recommendations such as universal design, drug testing that includes fat people, and banning size discrimination。in all, an accessible, moving, convincing read。 。。。more

cat

This book, along with Hunger by Roxane Gay, The Body is Not an Apology by Sonya Renee Taylor, and Fat, Pretty and Soon to Be Old by Kimberly Dark are what I would ask you to read if you want to understand what it is like to live in my body in a world that punishes fatness and to imagine what a different way forward rooted in liberation could look like。

Kristy Diaz

Smart, sharp, radical and generous。 Essential reading。

Claire

Excellent。 Everyone should read this, but particularly ALL medical staff。 I learned a lot reading this but I would have loved an additional chapter on current research - Aubrey mentions the NOMI research that there are 59 types of obesity and I'd love to have read more about this。 Off to research a bit more! Excellent。 Everyone should read this, but particularly ALL medical staff。 I learned a lot reading this but I would have loved an additional chapter on current research - Aubrey mentions the NOMI research that there are 59 types of obesity and I'd love to have read more about this。 Off to research a bit more! 。。。more

Brian

Concise, clear detailing of systematic mistreatment of fat people, as well as the interpersonal bias perpetuated upon them told via combination of personal anecdotes and summarization of studies and data。 Our US culture is shitty to fat people, and people/systems are justified in treating fat people shitty because of misinformation about the connection between body weight and health, as well as cultural beauty standards。 Gordon's writing is easy, like a friend sharing super interesting stuff the Concise, clear detailing of systematic mistreatment of fat people, as well as the interpersonal bias perpetuated upon them told via combination of personal anecdotes and summarization of studies and data。 Our US culture is shitty to fat people, and people/systems are justified in treating fat people shitty because of misinformation about the connection between body weight and health, as well as cultural beauty standards。 Gordon's writing is easy, like a friend sharing super interesting stuff they've learned, and I'd recommend this quick read to everyone。 。。。more

Melissa

I can tell the author's heart was all in。 There's a lot of data and research presented, but her personal stories are where the book shines most。 It was well done, if a bit dense。 In glad I read it, but I'd be more likely to recommend Roxane Gay's "Hunger。" I can tell the author's heart was all in。 There's a lot of data and research presented, but her personal stories are where the book shines most。 It was well done, if a bit dense。 In glad I read it, but I'd be more likely to recommend Roxane Gay's "Hunger。" 。。。more

Doreen

I’ve been listening to Gordon’s podcast, Maintenance Phase, since it first came out and was curious to check out her book。 I highly recommend this work as it is not only remarkably well written, but also a useful call to action for fat activism。 It includes a basic primer on industrial design that excludes and harms fat people (including, famously, the ever-narrowing airplane seat), the various toxicities of the diet and wellness industries, street and sexual harassment, fatphobia among healthca I’ve been listening to Gordon’s podcast, Maintenance Phase, since it first came out and was curious to check out her book。 I highly recommend this work as it is not only remarkably well written, but also a useful call to action for fat activism。 It includes a basic primer on industrial design that excludes and harms fat people (including, famously, the ever-narrowing airplane seat), the various toxicities of the diet and wellness industries, street and sexual harassment, fatphobia among healthcare providers (and its horrific results), and the tracing of fat-shaming narratives and tropes in TV and film。 I very much appreciated Gordon’s reminiscences about her adolescence and adulthood, and her candor about her many, many painful encounters with people’s normalized antifat attitudes。 。。。more

Lindsay Betzel

Turns out we’ve been wrong about obesity for…kind of an embarrassingly long time now。 Aubrey Gordon is also co-host of my current podcast obsession Maintenance Phase, on the same topic。 Highly recommend both。

Candace

I loved this book, I love the Maintenance Phase podcast, I love Aubrey。The title of the book pretty much gives you what you need to know。 There are studies and statistics in here, as well as a look at the systematic marginalization and judgement of fat bodies, but Aubrey's consistent point is to personalize it, demand dignity and demand the humanity and validity of fat people be acknowledged。 This information and these experiences are coming from a fat person who has lived and experienced the wo I loved this book, I love the Maintenance Phase podcast, I love Aubrey。The title of the book pretty much gives you what you need to know。 There are studies and statistics in here, as well as a look at the systematic marginalization and judgement of fat bodies, but Aubrey's consistent point is to personalize it, demand dignity and demand the humanity and validity of fat people be acknowledged。 This information and these experiences are coming from a fat person who has lived and experienced the world in her body and knows more about how she moves through life and how she is treated by others than anyone else does。 Too often the dialogue about fatness is controlled by straight-sized people (ex: moral panics about "the obesity epidemic")。I fully acknowledge that I don't know what it is like to live my life in a body society deems "unacceptable"。 Which is why I appreciate Aubrey writing this book, being vulnerable, bringing all the facts。 I don't do anything to "keep slim", my body is the product of my genetics and I'm certainly not as healthy as I could be。 Which is how I know it's bullshit to consider that people in larger bodies are somehow all making significantly different choices, that someone's size is intentional。 And really, even if it is? Who cares。 People deserve dignity and humanity no matter what。 。。。more

Laura

Loved the approach with a ton of research and fact, along with personal stories from Gordon。 Overall a very impactful book that challenges so much of “wellness” and our broader culture today。

Megan K

I wish I could make everyone I know and love read this book。 Absolutely brilliant exploration of a topic that is hardly ever discussed or acknowledged。 This book came closer to making me feel at peace with my own body than anything else ever has。 Thank you, Aubrey。

Sarah

One of the most important books I’ve read in a long time。

Shieva

Overall great book。 Talks about the many ways society and the healthcare industry fail fat people (especially morbidly obese and heavier)。 I thought the book would include even a small tangential comment on medical conditions (like hormonal, especially insulin, imbalances) that contribute to weight gain and difficulty losing weight。 I don’t see enough of a discussion on this topic when we’re talking about weight。 Additionally, the author kept focusing on dieting stats and how dieting doesn’t wor Overall great book。 Talks about the many ways society and the healthcare industry fail fat people (especially morbidly obese and heavier)。 I thought the book would include even a small tangential comment on medical conditions (like hormonal, especially insulin, imbalances) that contribute to weight gain and difficulty losing weight。 I don’t see enough of a discussion on this topic when we’re talking about weight。 Additionally, the author kept focusing on dieting stats and how dieting doesn’t work…I thought it’s commonly understood nowadays that only lifestyle changes can have a lasting effect。 。。。more

Evan Thomas

Some people are simply bigger people it is genetics。 I was fat shamed when I was average weight between 10 and 13。 I can relate to her on so many levels。 However when I got obese which was easy to do at 19 it was my fault。 Just because someone mocks you for exercising doesn't mean you stop。 All those people who mocked her were out of line。 I also think that thinner people have totally different metabolism so can't give advice to someone whose heavier。 Weight loss is about lifestyle changing you Some people are simply bigger people it is genetics。 I was fat shamed when I was average weight between 10 and 13。 I can relate to her on so many levels。 However when I got obese which was easy to do at 19 it was my fault。 Just because someone mocks you for exercising doesn't mean you stop。 All those people who mocked her were out of line。 I also think that thinner people have totally different metabolism so can't give advice to someone whose heavier。 Weight loss is about lifestyle changing you can't drink a cup of Green Tea a day and expect to sustain it it's much harder than that and takes a lot of willpower。 Allowing yourself one cheat meal a week is good for mental health but got to stay on track and some exercise daily it's not easy but I never become 245 again。 Weight can be gained and lost but getting below your healthy body weight is not good。 。。。more

Allison Diaz

Eye opening and affirming。 Everyone needs to read this book regardless of how they identify or think that they view others based on size。 Somewhat repetitive in places, but overall, great book that should be in the hands of all。

Courtney

Extra points for the extensive citation section at the end。 I love well-researched book。

Devon

If I was ever going to teach a Fat Studies 101 class, this would be on the syllabus。 A brilliant and absorbing blend of memoir and research。

Jo Reyes-Boitel

I think this book does a whole lot of good toward increasing awareness of the behavior and motivations from culture, individuals, and the industrial health complex。 But, this book could have used an editor that really let the author's ideas and her unveiling truths to come through cleanly。 Instead, there are marked issues with repetition and some inconsistencies (albeit minor and personal, not of the information itself)。 Any of these that are visible just add to readers' (who may already disagre I think this book does a whole lot of good toward increasing awareness of the behavior and motivations from culture, individuals, and the industrial health complex。 But, this book could have used an editor that really let the author's ideas and her unveiling truths to come through cleanly。 Instead, there are marked issues with repetition and some inconsistencies (albeit minor and personal, not of the information itself)。 Any of these that are visible just add to readers' (who may already disagree with the issues the author presents) distrust of the book's information and attempt to inform。 Still, if read understanding this needs editing work, the research in this book is necessary。 I found that, with people I spoke with, there is the need still to challenge the language around fat and bodies。 Even with mentions about the lie of BMI or with the consumerism of diet culture, most folks who are not outside of what is considered "ideal" or "normal" still found a way to discuss the issues with some sense of personal failure/responsibility。I would have been interested in ways this book could have addressed those inherent biases。 The author did attempt it but some primer/undoing was probably necessary for readers to understand how their own language was hurtful and minimizing。 。。。more

Amanda Morgan

3。5 stars

Alex

This book is an important conversation starter on all the ways fat people are structurally and culturally discriminated against in our world。 As a fat person, there was very little that was surprising overall, but I did learn some jarring factoids (medicine isn’t tested on people with higher weights to check efficacy?!)。This book is a bit flawed in its narrative structure and it can be a tad repetitive at times, but I think this could be a could place to start unlearning your own antifat bias an This book is an important conversation starter on all the ways fat people are structurally and culturally discriminated against in our world。 As a fat person, there was very little that was surprising overall, but I did learn some jarring factoids (medicine isn’t tested on people with higher weights to check efficacy?!)。This book is a bit flawed in its narrative structure and it can be a tad repetitive at times, but I think this could be a could place to start unlearning your own antifat bias and showing up for those of us who are often ignored。 It’s definitely not too academic to be accessible by many folks! 。。。more

Jane

Very smart and informative。 I thought I was pretty "well versed" on this topic, but I still learned a lot and it gave me more things to think about。 Very smart and informative。 I thought I was pretty "well versed" on this topic, but I still learned a lot and it gave me more things to think about。 。。。more

Babsidi

A very powerful read, especially for straight-sized folk like myself。 I learned a lot from Aubrey's clever prose and the personal stories she recounted so vividly between pages of meticulous research backing up every claim she made。 A very powerful read, especially for straight-sized folk like myself。 I learned a lot from Aubrey's clever prose and the personal stories she recounted so vividly between pages of meticulous research backing up every claim she made。 。。。more

♡ María ♡

This is an important reading for everyone。 It's simply something we should discuss as human beings who cohabitate this planet。We find an approach to the experience of the fat person, we go through the discrimination, the thin privilege, the fat shaming, the self-esteem, the harassment, the good, the bad and much more that doesn't usually come to mind to a lot of us who haven't been overweight。We need to start respecting people of all sizes, colors and beliefs。 We need to respect people just for This is an important reading for everyone。 It's simply something we should discuss as human beings who cohabitate this planet。We find an approach to the experience of the fat person, we go through the discrimination, the thin privilege, the fat shaming, the self-esteem, the harassment, the good, the bad and much more that doesn't usually come to mind to a lot of us who haven't been overweight。We need to start respecting people of all sizes, colors and beliefs。 We need to respect people just for the fact that they are human beings。We need EMPATHY。 。。。more

Kaiomi

as a straight sized person, this was super helpful and illuminating for me to better understand anti-fat bias and the ways in which i actively benefit from that。 lots of good statistics in here that dispel myths about weight loss and how much control we have over our weight。 must read for thin people i think。

Tiffany Christian

If I could give everyone I know a copy of this book as a holiday present, I would。 Since that isn't possible, I can only hope some will hear me when I shout it from the rooftops that this is a MUST READ。。。not only for people like me who have been living with pretty extreme consequences of anti-fat bias and weight stigma for most of our lives, but for anyone who has ever had the BMI thrown at them like a cudgel。 Anyone who has yo-yo dieted or undergone "wellness purges。" Anyone who has ever count If I could give everyone I know a copy of this book as a holiday present, I would。 Since that isn't possible, I can only hope some will hear me when I shout it from the rooftops that this is a MUST READ。。。not only for people like me who have been living with pretty extreme consequences of anti-fat bias and weight stigma for most of our lives, but for anyone who has ever had the BMI thrown at them like a cudgel。 Anyone who has yo-yo dieted or undergone "wellness purges。" Anyone who has ever counted calories or bought into the idea that weight loss is "just" a matter of eating less + exercise。 Anyone who has ever been confronted with the idea that fatness is a moral failing, a sin, a sign of a lack of individual responsibility。 And in the US, that is basically EVERYBODY。 。。。more

Ylva Moon

A must read for everyone。

Kirsten

Everyone should read this book。 It’s an eye opener, filled with solid data, and really well written。

Wendy Cosin

I read What We Don't Talk About When We Talk About Fat (and other books on the subject) because I recognize my biases against fat people。 I want to educate myself and change。 Although I am a "straight-size" person, I think if myself as a bit neurotic about eating and my own weight。 For fat-activists, "fat" is not a derogatory word - it is a neutral description for plus-size people。Aubrey Gordon brings personal stories, research, and cultural criticism into the book。 The research is relevant, int I read What We Don't Talk About When We Talk About Fat (and other books on the subject) because I recognize my biases against fat people。 I want to educate myself and change。 Although I am a "straight-size" person, I think if myself as a bit neurotic about eating and my own weight。 For fat-activists, "fat" is not a derogatory word - it is a neutral description for plus-size people。Aubrey Gordon brings personal stories, research, and cultural criticism into the book。 The research is relevant, interesting, and well-footnoted。 Like many others, I have thought about the health impacts for fat people and used this as an excuse to be judgemental - also reflecting my own self-criticisms。 Ms。 Gordon stresses that it is possible to be healthy and fat。 She also writes about the dysfunction of the weight loss industries and the near impossibility of losing a significant amount of weight and keeping it off, especially for people who have always been fat。The key point of the book is the importance to recognize the human rights of fat people to health care, employment, transportation, and other basic needs。 And the need to eliminate discrimination, harassment, and violence against fat people。 Similar to other movements to change society, people with privilege must take the straight-forward, albeit difficult steps to listen, believe, adjust and collaborate。 In the last chapter, "The World To Come", the author articulately summarizes the importance of change for both fat and straight-sized people, and things we can all do to make a difference。 。。。more

Liz Norell

If you've been around the body acceptance movement for a while, there's not a lot in this book that is new or radical or surprising, but Aubrey Gordon is definitely an important voice in this world and in this work。 I appreciated her vulnerability and wisdom in crafting this exquisitely written book。 There were places it started to feel a bit repetitive and left me wondering whether there was some minimum page count she was aiming for 。。。 but honestly? I can't fault that。 Sometimes you gotta say If you've been around the body acceptance movement for a while, there's not a lot in this book that is new or radical or surprising, but Aubrey Gordon is definitely an important voice in this world and in this work。 I appreciated her vulnerability and wisdom in crafting this exquisitely written book。 There were places it started to feel a bit repetitive and left me wondering whether there was some minimum page count she was aiming for 。。。 but honestly? I can't fault that。 Sometimes you gotta say the same thing over and over and over again before people start to listen/believe you。 。。。more